


To Define

by VenusAscending



Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: M/M, Spoilers for Book 2: Lord of Shadows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 18:21:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15891483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VenusAscending/pseuds/VenusAscending
Summary: Where Kit confesses his feelings to Ty, and Ty has to decide what he feels. Spoilers for LM and LoS. Kitty. Threeshot. Pulled from my account on Fanfiction.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not speak for all autistic individuals, so I hope that I do not offend with my portrayal of Ty in this story. This story is how I believe Ty specifically would respond to emotion. I do not think that Ty is mentally deficient, only that he struggles with emotions. Ty is absolutely my favorite character in these books, and I believe that he has the capacity and ability to love and understand love. Social queues are just a little murky. I don't believe that Ty would have ever realized that Kit was in love with him on his own, simply because that is not the way that he thinks.

* * *

Define - To describe exactly the nature, scope, or meaning of.

* * *

Kit found Ty in the library. He’d wandered through the whole house “looking” for him (he knew where he’d be, just refused to admit it aloud; he was nervous).

He hung back in the doorway, assessing the mood in the room. His stomach was a knot of nerves; nerves that he didn’t want to let on to Ty, lest he confuse him further. Ty was perched in his chair, feet planted near the front and knees near his face. He only sat like this when others weren’t around, having been informed that he should not put his feet on chairs; that it was not socially appropriate. Kit didn’t bother him with trivial things like social propriety. He would only inform Ty when asked directly if there was something he was doing “wrong” (Kit constantly told Ty that it wasn’t _wrong_ , it was just different).

Since Livvy’s death, Ty was even more quiet and subdued. Part of him was missing. Kit felt the ache of missing her every day, too. They all did; her laugh, her smile, and the lightness that she brought into any room. Sometimes when Ty was in a particularly dour mood, Kit would swear he could see the sway of her dark brown hair disappearing around corners in the institute. Everything was gray on those days.

The library didn’t look gray today, though. Kit could tell by the curve of Ty’s shoulders that today was a good day; the grief hadn’t crushed him yet. Those days were getting fewer and fewer as time went on, which was both good and bad, in Kit’s opinion. They all needed to move on, but it still felt like a betrayal. Like they were abandoning her memory, leaving her. He knew that she would want them to be happy though, so he chanted that to himself as he slowly trudged across the floor, dragging his feet.

Ty hadn’t heard him yet, his headphones were secured around his ears, his buffer between himself and the cacophony of the world set firmly in place. That didn’t rule out the possibility that he knew Kit was there though; after years of drowning out the noise of the world, he’d gotten quite good with the rest of his senses. He was concentrating on the text open on the table between the bends in his knees. Kit wasn’t sure, but he was willing to bet that Ty was rereading Sherlock Holmes novels (possibly in order) again for probably (and this was his best estimate) the eighth time; he’d have to remember to ask.

_If he ever speaks to you again,_ his brain supplied helpfully.

Kit dropped lightly into the chair across from Ty, leaning back in the chair, a friendly distance away. He didn’t want to sit too close or else he might get distracted by the curve of his cheek, the sun in his eyelashes.

_God you’re such a girl, Kit._ His brain, again very helpful.

Kit could tell that he knew he was there. Ty shifted his position ever so slightly forward, drawing toward him. He didn’t look up from his book. He probably didn’t know that Kit wanted to speak with him.

Kit took a deep, trembling breath, steeled himself, and reached forward to tap the book within Ty’s line of sight. He wiped all emotions from his face and voice, knowing that the best way he could get Ty to understand was through fact and explanation, not emotion.

Ty’s eyes drew up at a measured pace and locked with Kit’s. Kit’s breath inadvertently stuttered, and he had to manually even it out again, though his heart still kick-started into overdrive.

Ty pushed his headphones down around his neck, saying nothing, not feeling pressure to start the conversation himself. Kit knew he would have to start.

“I—”, his voice was raspy so he had to clear his throat and start again, “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Okay.” Ty said, unbothered. He hadn’t picked up on the serious tone in Kit’s voice or the ominous words. Kit took another deep breath, he wanted to start with the basics and explain as Ty needed. “Okay. I’ve known this for a long time and thought that I should tell you, because it isn’t fair not to.”

Already, Ty’s brow twitched in minor confusion, but Kit wasn’t worried. Though he didn’t understand social cues, Ty was the smartest person Kit had ever met. That’s part of the reason they were here in the first place.

“Okay.” Ty said again, a little more slowly than before.

Kit’s chest went cold and he sucked in another silent, panicked breath. _Here goes nothing,_ “Okay. I have feelings for you.”

Ty’s eyebrows wobbled in utter confusion this time, “You have feelings for me? What do you mean by feelings? That could mean anything.”

Kit nodded, recognizing that this statement would seem dubious to Ty’s analytical brain. “I like you.”

Ty looked even more confused, “I know that. That’s why we’re friends, right? You like me and I like you.”

Kit mentally shook his head at himself. He was usually much better at explaining himself to Ty than this. He was just extremely nervous. _Get it together, Kit._

“Not like that. What I mean when I say I have feelings for you is that I have romantic feelings for you. And when I said that I like you, I meant that I like you as more than a friend.”

Ty’s eyebrows, the most expressive part of him, lowered slightly, but still had a confused tilt to them, “Romantic feelings for me? Like… Magnus and Alec?”

Kit nodded, “Yeah, like Magnus and Alec. I’d like to be in a relationship with you, one day.”

Ty still looked confused, but he didn’t look disgusted or perturbed, so Kit held onto his small victories.

They lapsed into silence while Ty thought over everything that Kit had said. Kit’s breath stuttered in and out of his lungs unevenly and he felt a bit lightheaded, but he kept his face as blank as he could. Much as he wanted Ty to say something, _anything_ , he didn’t want to rush him, or influence him in any way. Because if Ty had any feelings for him at all, he needed to figure that out himself.

Kit could hear the clock ticking extremely loudly, and unconsciously started to count.

After 643 ticks, Ty looked into Kit’s eyes again, “Why?”

Kit spluttered. He hadn’t been expecting that, “Why what? Why do boys like boys?”

“No,” Ty replied calmly, “Why do you have romantic feelings for me?”

His eyes were flat, only marginally curious. There were no emotional components to this question. He was not insecure; he just didn’t understand.

Kit thought for a moment, deciding the best way to tell him. “Because you make me happy. Because I want to make you happy. You are the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think about at night. I am physically attracted to you. I—”

“Physically attracted to me?” This time there was a little alarm in his voice, and Kit started to mentally panic. He unconsciously leaned forward and placed his hands on Ty’s, rubbing in firm circles to keep him grounded.

“Yes. I find you attractive. I would like to visit the possibility of a physical relationship with you in the future, if you wanted that, too.”

Ty calmed at that, but still didn’t seem completely comforted.

Kit continued, “I don’t want to put my feelings off on you or pressure you. I just wanted to tell you. I would like for you to think about it, if that’s alright. I want to know if you do have or could have any feelings for me too, or if I should move on.”

Ty’s eyebrows danced in confusion again, “I don’t—how can…? I don’t know how I feel. I don’t want you to be disappointed.”

Kit’s heart warmed, “Don’t worry about me. I knew that telling you all of this was a risk, and that you might not return my feelings. That’s okay. I’m not going to be upset at you if you don’t feel the same.”

Ty nodded, still thinking.

They lapsed into silence for a little longer before Kit inched forward in his seat, beginning to stand. Ty’s eyes snapped to him, and followed his movements. Once Kit reached his full height he said, “Okay. I’m going to go train and then get some food. Would you like to join me, or do you want to sit and think a while? Take as much time as you need, but don’t feel like you can’t talk to me about other things, okay?”

Ty nodded, “Okay. I think I’ll stay in here a while.”

Kit flashed him a smile, “Okay. See you later.”

Ty’s lips curled into the barest hint of a smile, “Later.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Ty questions his feelings for Kit.

* * *

Ty hated this. _Hated_ it. It was ridiculous and unfair and impossible to understand.

Which was why he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

It had been about six weeks since Kit had approached him about his feelings in the library. And Ty was more confused than ever.

Things with Kit were… fine? He didn’t act really any differently toward Ty, that he could tell. He was still stubborn, proud, and challenged Ty to think a little differently. Nothing had changed, but Ty was sure somehow that everything had.

And it was _maddening_.

He couldn’t stop analyzing and overanalyzing and then reanalyzing everything Kit said and did. Every look and touch. His brain was in overdrive. He hadn’t been able to make any headway on any case, or solve any mysteries whatsoever. His music didn’t even help deaden the noise of his thoughts.

Ty was just about crazy.

The floor that he’d paced hundreds of times per night since the library squeaked angrily under his feet; he entertained the thought that they’d been worn down into a small rut.

There was an audible snapping sound.

“That’s it,” Ty muttered distractedly, “I can’t do this anymore.”

He walked quickly to his door, and threw it open. He tore around the house looking for Kit. He had to tell him that he couldn’t think about this anymore, that it was driving him crazy, and he’d had _enough_. It seemed like everyone was in their rooms, except him.

_He must be outside._

Ty slowed his only slightly less than frantic pace and made his way down to the beach, planning out what to say to Kit to make this all go away.

_I don’t think I have any feelings for you. I’ve been thinking about it, a lot, and since I haven’t come up with any answers that must mean that there aren’t any. Yeah, that sounds good, now I just need to find h—_

Kit was reclining in the sand, long legs stretched out in front of him, wrapped in tropical swim trunks. His top half was unashamedly bare, and he exuded the confidence that only a Herondale could.

However, that’s not what made Ty stop in his tracks and observe.

Next to him, perched in the sand, with laughter tinkling like bells and skin the color of shimmering russet gold, was bikini clad Christina. Ty had never noticed how beautiful she was before this moment. She and Kit were lounging in the sand, laughter in the air, sun chafing their skin. Christina pushed Kit for something he said and he dramatically fell over.

 _Flirting_ , as Livvy would have called it.

Ty felt a strange ache in his chest. He wanted to go and tell Kit what he had to say, but he couldn’t make his feet move toward them, so he turned and jogged back to the institute.

Ty just wanted to go back upstairs, turn his headphones all the way up, and try to forget any of this ever happened, but it was not to be. While passing through the kitchen, he encountered Jules’ back and Emma just as she was shoving a giant spoon of Coco Pebbles into her mouth.

“Mungh, Dy! Whaf’s uphf?” She said, covering her mouth. Still, several pebbles fell and clanked onto the table.

“I can’t—I can’t do this right now, sorry.” He darted through the room as quickly as he could manage.

“Ty! Wait!” Jules’ voice was accompanied by the sound of jogging footsteps. He came around the corner and caught Ty’s wrist, “What’s wrong? Are Tavvy and Dru—?”

“They’re fine. This doesn’t concern them.” His wrist erupted in needles, and he impatiently dragged his wrist out of Jules’ hand. Jules didn’t fight it, knowing that sometimes touching did more harm than good to Ty.

Ty turned again for the door.

“Then what? Come on, tell me.”

_Tell me._

Those damn words again made him pause in his escape. The first time that Kit held him together he’d asked what to do. Ty never thought that those words could sound so good. He didn’t understand it (yet another thing to add to the pile at this point). He sighed, all the adrenaline draining from his body, “Okay. I have a problem and I can’t figure out how to… solve it.”

Jules sat down on the hallway’s padded bench, elbows on his knees, “Okay. Maybe I can help. Tell me about it.”

Ty considered him for a second and decided that it likely couldn’t hurt, “Kit told me something and asked me what I thought about it, and I don’t know how to answer.”

Julian’s eyebrows rose, and an expression that Ty couldn’t quite place stole over his face, “Ah. Okay. What did he say and what does he want to know?”

Ty scuffed his foot in uncharacteristic nervousness, “He says he has… romantic feelings for me. Like Magnus and Alec. And he wanted to know if I did—or if I could—feel the same way about him.”

Julian nodded, folding his hands in front of his mouth, “And you don’t feel the same way about him.”

Ty raked his hand angrily through his hair, and began pacing in earnest, “I don’t know! He wants to know how I feel about him and I can’t name—I can’t define… I don’t—” His breaths were coming in short gasps; he didn’t realize how worked up he’d been. He’d been overwhelmed so quickly that it surprised him this time.

Julian stood up and grabbed Ty’s wrist again. He mirrored Livvy and Kit’s actions by rubbing Ty’s hands firmly as Ty slowed his breathing to a normal pace again.

“Maybe you’re coming at this from the wrong angle. Don’t analyze your feelings _about_ him. Try just thinking of him and pinpointing whether you feel good or bad.”

Ty nodded, swallowing his slight panic, “Okay. Okay, I’ll try that.”

So Ty thought of Kit. Thought of meeting him for the first time, of his feral expression that hadn’t quite faded, even all this time later. He was a boy who’d had no one but a father that only knew how to love in small doses. He was starved for attention. That didn’t stop Kit from loving him and defending him unconditionally. He would go to the ends of the earth for the people he loved. His quiet and righteous fury was mesmerizing. It made you want to follow him.

He thought of sitting outside Kit’s door, waiting for him to come out, and being quietly ecstatic when he finally did. He thought of discovering that Kit was just the perfect counter to his analytical brain. He pushed Ty in a way that no one else could. Everyone either followed or gave Ty parameters or instructions; Kit gave him different lines of thought that shot in completely different directions. He opened Ty’s eyes.

“He—he mostly makes me happy? He pushes me to think, and he’s—he understands me. He explains things really well, maybe even better than you.” Julian nodded, not offended in the slightest. He’d noticed how well Kit understood and relayed information to Ty. He had no trouble interpreting things that Julian had difficulty finding words for.

“Okay. That’s good. Now what do you think of the way he looks? How do you feel when he gets close to you?”

Ty thought of Kit rubbing his hands to calm him, the same way that Julian had just done. The first time had been a surprise, but not an unwelcome one. Kit’s hands were warm and firm; a contrast to his slightly feral personality. Ty tried to think of him in a physical way. He was a little shorter than Ty, with tousled blond hair and sharp blue eyes that melted and frosted depending on his countenance. He thought of Kit outside, with his shirt off. He felt a warmth pool at the bottom of his stomach as he traced the lines of his shoulder blades in his imagination. Ty hadn’t known that he’d memorized it so well already.

“I—do find him attractive, I think.” He thought of him outside with Christina. The laughter, the easygoing banter ( _flirting_ ) that they employed as he snuck up behind them. This time his chest froze up and he started panicking a bit again, “I don’t—I don’t like the way I feel when I see him flirting with other people. Does that mean that I have… romantic feelings for him?”

Jules chuckled, patting Ty on the shoulder, “I can’t tell you that, Ty. But I can answer you with another question that will hopefully get you to the bottom of all this: what do you want from this? Do you want things to go back to the way they were, or do you want to try having a relationship with Kit? It’s your decision. I think that Kit would understand if you didn’t want to, though, if you’re worried about that. He seems pretty understanding, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” Ty said, “He does.”

Julian patted his shoulder again, before looking into his eyes for several long moments. Finally, he turned back toward the kitchen and rejoined Emma at the island.

Ty stared at nothing for a few moments longer before making his way upstairs again. He still needed to think about this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Kit tries to fix their relationship.

* * *

Ty was avoiding him.

Kit couldn’t say that this was surprising, after all he had laid into him with very life-changing news.

Life-changing might be a bit dramatic, but Kit was frazzled, alright? He was losing his best friend.

It had been more than three months since he confessed his feelings to Ty. At first, it seemed like everything was okay. Ty was still hanging out with him. They were still watching vintage horror movies with Dru, spending time out in the desert, and sneaking off to investigate mysteries, for which they were always caught by an irate Julian and a (poorly masked) mock-severe Emma.

Things were great, at first. Kit still had hope that Ty would realize that they were right for one another. They always had fun, they made each other’s lives better, that Ty really could love Kit the same way that Kit loved Ty.

Worse than just having to deal with telling his best friend that he had feelings for him, he had to contend with Ty’s unknown sexuality. Kit simply didn’t know if Ty could ever have the feelings he so craved for another guy.

More than anything though, Kit was lonely. He missed his best friend. The one who kept disappearing around corners when spotted. The one who sat as far away from him as possible when he couldn’t escape Kit’s company. As much as Kit wanted him romantically, he also just _wanted_ him. He wanted to solve mysteries. He wanted to be the Watson to Ty’s Sherlock (he would never admit that aloud) again. He wanted to walk the desert and beach with him, go to the pier with him, teach him about mundane culture, _anything_. He just wanted his friend back.

Everyone had noticed the strained air between the two. Julian and Emma cast very frequent, very _annoying_ concerned looks at either of them far, _far_ too often. Dru no longer invited them to watch movies with her, and Tavvy just thought that they were boring (because they were so awkward and quiet) and didn’t want to be around them. Christina, Mark, and Kieran may not have even noticed with how wrapped up in one another they were; it was difficult to tell.

Kit’s skin itched to get away. His old habit of running away when things got difficult was rearing its ugly head. He was frustrated and wisps of anger were stirring in his chest. He didn’t want to be angry at Ty. He knew that none of this was Ty’s fault. Ty either liked him, or he didn’t. He couldn’t force it for Kit, and Kit understood and respected that. But he was upset that it was coming between them, the way he had feared it would.

Kit groaned from his position on his bed, having flopped there with his arm draped over his eyes. He hated this. He wanted it to end, and for things to go back to normal. Maybe they could be friends and he could start to move on, find someone else. Maybe an uncomplicated mundane would be a welcome distraction from all this angst.

With a headache pulsing behind his forehead, Kit rolled into a slumped position. He needed some fresh air, and maybe a trip to the pier where he could try to alleviate some of his loneliness by making a friend.

With that less than appealing thought in mind, Kit slouched to his feet and began to make himself presentable. He was sticky with dried sweat where rigorous (read: vicious) training had melted his stiff muscles into aching lead.

After divesting himself of his damp and reeking training shirt, he gathered his best “date” clothes and a towel, and headed down the hall to the bathroom that he, Ty, and Dru all shared.

 _I’m so pathetic_ , Kit thought, rubbing a hand through his stringy, post-training hair, and down his tired face. Just as he was reaching for the bathroom door handle, it swung inward.

Butterflies erupted and swarmed inside Kit’s stomach. His mouth went dry and his entire body froze.

Ty stood in the open door, handle still clasped in his loose grip, the towel that had just been furiously scrubbing his dripping, haphazard mop of dark hair paused as well. Steam billowed out and slapped Kit in the face, nearly as hard as Ty’s appearance. His long feet extended from the ends of the only pair of jeans that Ty owned, a well-loved pair that was buttery-soft from years of wear and washing. They were nearing threadbare, and Kit vaguely noted that he would be sad when they finally needed to be thrown away. It was rare to see Ty in anything other than a sweatshirt or gear, but he was just full of surprises, apparently. He was wearing a black sleeveless shirt, which exposed his damp, toned, rune-licked arms. Kit hadn’t realized that he had a thing for guys with tattoos, but evidently, the truth was displayed before his hungry gaze.

Their eyes locked for the first time in weeks, and Kit felt the attraction slam into him with crippling force. It was a physical miracle that he didn’t crumple under the weight of it. He watched, in bewildered disbelief, as Ty’s eyes danced down his person (belatedly, he remembered that he was shirtless, and that his hair must be standing on end), before snapping back up to his eyes quickly, a look of panic taking over his flushed face.

_Flushed?_

“Um—h-hello, Kit.” Ty said, looking bashful and uncomfortable.

Kit gave a bland smile, wiping all emotions from his face in order to be as non-threatening to Ty as possible. No need to make things worse. “Hey. I was just about to head out for a bit, maybe go to the pier. Want to come?”

He knew the answer anyway, but it would be out of character for him to not offer. Ty grimaced, “Uh, no thanks. Dru wants me to help her with her project for Diana, so…”

Kit was already nodding, forgiving this. As mad as he thought he was a few minutes ago, that was nothing compared to how much he _really_ didn’t want to upset Ty.

“Okay. Maybe another time.”

A relieved smile flashed across Ty’s face, before his eyes trailed down Kit again, lingering a little longer, before returning to his eyes, “Yeah.”

He edged past Kit, who was frozen in complete shock, _again_ , and disappeared into his bedroom.

 _Did he just… check me out?_ Kit thought, dazed. Heat simmered low in his stomach and journeyed up through his chest.

He walked into the sweltering bathroom and shut the door, trying not to think about how Ty was just in here. Naked.

He sagged, boneless back into the door, still clutching his clothes, and let out a labored breath. His stomach churned with nervous butterflies, ones that made him feel more lightheaded and sick than lighthearted and happy, as is the expectation from a first love.

“This sucks.” He muttered under his breath as he finally continued with what he set out to do.

He had some things to consider.

 

*          *          *

 

Kit came to the conclusion, in his intentionally colder than warm shower, that he should try talking to Ty to diffuse all of the awkwardness. Tell him that the pressure was off and that he wanted to remain friends.

Not really true, but not exactly a lie either. If the alternative to what he wanted was what he had, Kit would more than happily accept the friendship that was always extended to him before he created this mess. So Kit got out of the shower and toweled himself off, fixed his hair, and put on his nice clothes. He still retained the intention of going out after he and Ty talked, and maybe getting plastered would help with the disappointment of finitely ending whatever chance he might have had with Ty (never mind that he hasn’t ever felt this way about anyone, _ever_ , and may not again).

Ty’s door was ajar and he was nowhere to be seen when Kit emerged from the bathroom. After dropping his dirty laundry in his hamper, he slowly trudged out to hunt for Ty.

The first place he checked this time was the library, but Ty was missing from there as well. He also wasn’t in the kitchen, or with Julian, Emma, or Dru, who were all working on her project in the dining room, where Ty said he needed to be. Mark, Kieran, and Christina were all out gathering intel in their quest to end the Cold Peace. Tavvy was on his way to stealing the high score in Mario Kart. There was no sign of Ty anywhere.

Kit almost surely knew what that meant.

The roof.

The roof was the first place that he’d ever been vulnerable with any of the Blackthorns. It figures that it was Ty of all people. Kit purposely gave a piece of himself that day, for the first time in his entire life. He laid down roots, he made their friendship real. That was something that Kit had only just managed to do all these years later with the rest of the Blackthorns. Caring for others meant that they had an opportunity to hurt you. Kit did not do well with closeness, or hurt. Not after the life he'd had with Johnny Rook.

The door to the roof was unlocked, confirming Kit’s suspicion. Leaning his head onto the door, he clenched his eyes shut and took several deep, calming breaths. Then he steeled his expression, and stepped onto the roof.

Ty was crouched, back to the wall, his left profile visible to the door. He turned his head, and again locked eyes with Kit. They stared at each other for a long moment, before Kit nervously looked away.

Ty’s long fingers reached up to pull his headphones down around his neck, anticipating that Kit wanted to speak.

God, how wrong he was. He didn’t want to talk. Not about this.

He swallowed, willing his dry mouth to cut him a break, as he walked over to stand in front of Ty.

“Hey.”

Well, it was something, at least.

Ty’s calculating gray eyes dissected his every move, and grew apprehensive, “Hello.”

All of a sudden, the hoard of butterflies in Kit’s stomach broke loose, coming out in a nervous rush, “You don’t have to be nervous. I just wanted to talk and try to clear up some things. I want to try and make things better between us.”

Ty licked his lips (damnit, don’t make this _worse_ ), “We’re not fighting. I’m not angry with you. Are you upset with me?”

And, just like that, Kit absolutely _melted_ at the sincerity and concern in Ty’s expression. He obviously cared for Kit, maybe just not the way that Kit wanted. But that was okay. He would take this and appreciate it.

“No, I’m not upset with you. Things have just been awkward for a while, and I wanted to try to put you at ease. I put too much pressure on you when I told you about my feelings for you. I should have realized that it was unfair to coerce you into feeling things for me that you don’t. I was hoping that we could try and move past all of that. Forget about it, and still be friends? Nothing would make me happier. I miss hanging out with you.”

_Damnit, Kit! Too emotional!_

Kit could see Ty struggling with this information, and sure enough, he wrung his hands, furrowed his expressive eyebrows and said, “I don’t understand. I thought you liked me romantically. Why would you say that if you didn’t mean it?”

Déjà vu smacked Kit in the face, “ _Why would you say you wanted to be my friend if you didn’t mean it_?”

“I did mean it. I do. But if it means that I lose you as a friend, then I’m happy to push my romantic feelings aside and move on, if it means we can still be friends.”

Ty’s brows slipped even farther down his forehead as he agitatedly rose to his feet, “We are friends. Aren’t we?”

“Yes.” Kit said quickly, firmly, “Absolutely. But you can barely look at me. And you’ve been avoiding me because you don’t want to talk about it. And I respect that. That’s what I’m here trying to fix. It’s okay that you don’t have feelings for me, and we can really go back to being friends like before. You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll get over it. I just want us to be best friends again.”

Ty tugged his hair fretfully, “So you want us to be together, or you want to be friends? I don’t understand what you’re asking for here.”

“I want us to be friends if that’s what you want, Ty. I just don’t want to put my feelings off on you or pressure you anymore.”

Ty began to pace, “Of course I want us to be friends.”

Kit sagged a little in disappointment, but felt slightly relieved as well.

_At least I’ll still have him in some way._

“Okay, friends it is then.” And he smiled at Ty, who still looked dissatisfied. A fissure of nervousness wormed its way into Kit’s chest.

“But we never discussed my feelings.” Ty said desperately, tugging at his hair a little harder. Kit reached forward quickly, and grasped Ty’s hands, massaging them firmly.

“You don’t like me romantically. We established that. You don’t have to say it for me to know, Ty. It’s implied. Don’t stress yourself out about hurting my feelings, I’m okay, I promise. Don’t make yourself uncomfortable for my benefit.”

“No!” Ty nearly shouted, snapping his hands away and falling back into the wall, “That’s not what I said!”

Kit’s eyes widened, and he stepped away, holding up his hands in submission, “I’m sorry. I’ll stop talking and let you say what you need to say, alright? I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Ty nodded, breathing ragged, and stayed quiet for a few moments, gathering his thoughts. “I talked to Julian about your feelings for me. And about how I wasn’t sure how I felt in return. He suggested that I should look at it from a different perspective. Instead of analyzing my feelings _about_ you, I should just pinpoint how you make me feel.”

Kit nodded, remaining silent, as promised. Butterflies kicked up a monsoon in his stomach and he felt sick with it, again.

“So I did that, and I think the easiest thing for me to do is just to tell you those things.” Kit nodded again, and with his reassurance, Ty launched ahead, “You’re probably what most people consider as a best friend to me. I value your opinion, and I take your advice. When we spend time together, I can’t think of much else I’d rather be doing. You make me feel good about myself and you help me understand things. You’re funny, you always make me laugh. I don’t like when you flirt with other people—”

“Flirt with other people?” Kit spluttered, heart somersaulting inside his chest, “I don’t flirt with anyone. I haven’t had any feelings for anyone else since I’ve known you.”

Ty’s brows furrowed deeply again, “But I saw you with Christina on the beach. She laughed, and pushed you and you fell over facetiously, and Livvy always said—”

“Christina is just a friend. That was just me being friendly with her. I do see what you mean, that those actions could be taken out of context. But I don’t have any romantic feelings for her at all, and never have. The only person that I’ve ever cared for in that way is _you_.”

Ty’s face flushed pink for the second time that day, and Kit stared in wonderment.

_Is this really happening?_

“Okay. I’m uh—attracted to you. That is, I, uh, find you attractive. In short, you’re extremely important to me.”

Kit closed his eyes and took the deepest breath he could, bracing himself to be as emotionless as possible, even though he really just wanted to jump over the distance between them and _show_ Ty exactly what he thought of this conversation.

“Okay. So keeping all of that in mind, do those things mean that you have romantic feelings for me?” Kit was proud that this sentence didn’t come out sounding nearly as pathetic as it probably should have.

“I—I’m not sure.”

“Okay, let me ask a different question: do you want us to be how we always were? Or do you want to try a relationship?”

Ty fidgeted against the wall, still wringing his hands, “I don’t know. Is there a way to scientifically test for romantic feelings?”

Kit froze, a scary thought entering his head, and before he could stop it, said: “Maybe… not exactly. I could… hold your hand, or… or kiss you. And you could decide how you feel about those things. Only if you’re okay with that, though. This sounds like I’m trying to take advantage of you, but I swear I’m not, Ty. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“I know.” Ty said, unequivocally, “I trust you.”

Kit watched as Ty thought it over, the gears turning expertly in his brilliant brain. When Ty looked at him again, Kit braced himself as Ty said, “Okay. Let’s try it.”

Kit’s heart rate skyrocketed, thumping crazily in his chest, butterflies exploding in a cacophony of chaos inside of him.

Again, with Herculean effort, he reined his emotions back in. He had to be careful with Ty. Even though he had permission, that didn’t mean that there weren’t still serious boundaries. So Kit slowly walked forward, until he was only a foot away, and stared up into Ty’s eyes.

“Okay. I’m going to lean forward and kiss you, and if you feel like you want to, you can kiss me back. Don’t feel pressured. This is going to be a short kiss. I’m going to close my eyes. I’m not going to touch you. Okay?” Kit thought he might die on the spot.

Ty nodded his head, staring at Kit with penetrating gray eyes.

Kit swallowed his nerves, and leaned forward slowly, giving Ty plenty of time to back away. When Ty didn’t, and remained staring at him, Kit closed his eyes and the rest of the distance between their mouths.

Kit’s lips pressed softly against Ty’s, for just a few seconds. The contact was warm and dry, and Ty smelled so good, like ocean, and mint, and sandalwood. Kit carefully pulled away. Ty hadn’t kissed him back, but his eyes were closed. He carefully took half a step away, and waited a moment.

Ty’s eyes reopened, and his eyebrows remained furrowed over his searching gaze.

Kit cleared his throat, instinctively knowing that his voice would be raspy, and said, “Okay. How did that feel?”

Ty considered his question, while Kit waited on baited breath for his response. Finally, after a few short moments (that felt like an eternity), he said, “Good. It wasn’t an unpleasant experience. I don’t feel uncomfortable.”

Kit nearly sagged to the floor, “Good. Now, would you want to kiss me again? Do you think that you would want to kiss me regularly? Or do things of a sexual nature with me, eventually?”

Ty stared at him for a moment, “Would it be okay if I tried kissing you? To see how I feel?”

“Yes.” Kit said too quickly, his voice much lower than he intended. He cleared his throat, “Yes, if you need to feel this out a little more, feel free to take the lead.”

Ty nodded, and stepped forward swiftly. He reached out and touched Kit’s hip. He paused there for a moment, staring at Kit.

Kit was burning alive.

Slowly, Ty tilted down to him, and reached up with the hand that wasn’t already touching him, twisting his fingers into Kit’s hair.

_Oh, my—_

That was the last coherent thing that Kit thought before Ty was kissing him. It was timid and unsure, but still strong. Ty didn’t exactly know what he was doing, but he appeared to know that he wanted to do it, which was encouragement enough. Kit’s hands reached up and circled the back of Ty’s neck, his fingers brushing the tips of Ty’s hair. Without meaning to, his mouth parted from and reconnected to Ty’s, clasping his bottom lip gently, and then sliding warmly, in a way that was less innocent than their first kiss.

Ty repeated the motion, always the quick learner, and Kit lost the ability to breathe.

After another moment, Ty pulled back slowly, opening his eyes to peer at Kit again. He didn’t back away, though. He kept his hands on Kit.

“Did—” Kit cleared his throat again, “Did that clear anything up for you? How did that make you feel?” The butterflies swooped low again, nervousness making Kit nearly numb with fear for his answer.

“Yes.” Ty said, seriously. He brushed Kit’s drying bangs away from his face, “I think so.” The hand on Kit’s hip crept steadily higher, taking what was left of Kit’s composure with it, “I’m attracted to you. I want to kiss you again. And again. And I think I would want to have a sexual relationship with you, one day, as well.”

Kit’s breath froze in his chest, “So you do want to do this? The relationship thing? You have feelings for me, and you’re sure?”

Ty smiled, tugging him closer and resting his forehead against Kit’s, “Yes, I want to be in a relationship with you, yes I have feelings for you, and yes, I am completely sure.”

Kit almost couldn’t believe this was real. Doubt and worry wriggled their way back into Kit’s overwhelming happiness, “How do you know?”

Ty kissed the corner of his mouth, “Because I have never felt this way before. And I know that I never want to stop feeling this way. Because this is comfortable, and it feels right. Because you’re kind, and patient, and funny. You’re my Watson. How could I not want this?”

All of the frozen air in Kit’s chest expelled, relieved. He gripped Ty’s lower back and hugged him fiercely, beaming. “I don’t know. I’ve been wanting this for years, so I had plenty of time to come to terms with it. I just sprang this on you a couple months ago. That’s not much time.” Kit swallowed his nerves, knowing he was going to be more vulnerable than was strictly comfortable for him, “You’re home for me. I was afraid to jeopardize that.”

“I’m glad you did.” Ty said, and he hugged Kit back firmly, “I’m sorry that I didn’t talk to you about it sooner. I was afraid of not being able to articulate how I felt, and I didn’t want to hurt you. You’re one of the most important parts of my life, and I was afraid that I was going to ruin it because of my inability to understand.”

“You’re the smartest person I know.” Kit said adamantly, pulling back to look at Ty, “The things that you beat yourself up over not understanding aren’t that important. There are ways to work around it, as we’ve just shown. Don’t think so little of yourself.”

Ty smiled softly again, leaning forward to kiss his new boyfriend.

Kit never wanted to leave this roof. The most important events in his life have happened here. He loved this roof. He loved Ty.

Staring into the solemn gray of Ty’s eyes, he could see the same feeling of completeness mirrored back at him. They had the rest of their lives to define the rest, there was no need to rush.

* * *

End

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! I hope you guys enjoyed it, and I went ahead and posted the whole thing tonight. I've changed a few words here and there to make it flow a little better, but the general integrity is still there. Let me know what you think! I can't wait for the final book to see how Cassie handles these two. I'm so ready!

**Author's Note:**

> While waiting for the last book of TDA I got impatient and this lovechild was born. Hope you guys liked it. I've never posted on AO3 before, but this seemed like a good story to start with.


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